


Fallen Owls

by NovelistServant



Category: Gravity Falls, The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Crossover, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23906755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovelistServant/pseuds/NovelistServant
Summary: What happens when the milf of The Owl House meets the dilf of Gravity Falls? Find out in this multi-chapter crossover fic.
Relationships: Eda Clawthorne/Stan Pines
Comments: 48
Kudos: 161





	1. A Lying Witch and a Conman

Episode Placement:  
GF = after finale (S3?)  
OH = between S1E5 and E6

* * *

It was late, passed the gremlins' bedtime, but it was summer, meaning the term "bedtime" had very little meaning unless Stan was tired and needed to make the kids quiet. But as of right now he was content sitting in his old armchair, boxers and undershirt and slippers and all, munching on popcorn with his family, sitting around telling stories. Stan and his twin brother, Ford, had just finished telling Dipper and Mabel more about the sirens they had faced a few months ago. While sailing around the world was a dream come true, it was nice to take a break to spend the summer with the niblings.

Dipper, having just heard how Stan had been charmed by the sirens' song, chuckled and asked, "So, did you ever have any luck finding 'babes'?"

Stan rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. "Nah, but there's always next year."

"Yeah, don't worry about it, Grunkle Stan." Mabel said as she popped some popcorn into her mouth. "You'll find some pretty girl that is everything you deserve!"

Stan, turning red, waved the subject away. "Thanks, sweetie, but it's fine."

Ford, sitting on the dino-skull, elbowed him lightly and teased, "He's still heartbroken over Carla McCorckle."

Mabel blew a raspberry. "If I ever find her I'm gonna give her a left-hook and break her nose!"

Stan laughed and ruffled her hair. "That's not necessary, kid. I'm over her."

"And it only took you forty years." Ford added, earning him a punch on the shoulder.

"I'll have you know I've been with plenty of gals after Carla!" Stan quipped. "Heck, I was married once when I was traveling the country!"

"Wait, what?!" The whole room gasped at the same time.

Ford blinked like a confused owl. "I… I didn't know that."

"Me, neither." Mabel said and leaned on Stan's knee. Dipper, meanwhile, was silent, a memory coming to mind. _"_ _Truth is I've been divorced once and slapped more times than I can remember."_ "What happened? GASP! Do I have a secret Graunty you never told me about?!"

Stan barked a laugh. "Hah! No, sorry pumpkin. I was actually married for less than a day. Vegan situation. We reached for the same slot machine handle and it was love at first sight. Marilyn. Had hair like a airline stordis and a neon pink shirt that said 'Over thirty and very flirty'. Man I was, I was putty in her hands." Stan said lightly, recalling the most romantic evening he ever had. "You should've seen the way she threw dice. One time right at my head. Turns out she only married me to distract me while she stole my car and my winnings. I guess her name was fake and, hair was fake. But ya know, the love was real." Stan added with a casual shrug. "She was really the one that got away. Like, literally, it was a proper get away. She was chased by cop cars for a mile out of Vegas before ducking out of a door and into a canyon and making off with my loot. Sometimes I still think of her." The old conman admitted. "That pale bingo hall skin. That one weirdly sharp tooth." Stan's face dropped at the sight of his family and he quickly said, "Sorry, I'm getting nostalgic."

"More like love-sick." Dipper teased.

"AW!" Mabel squealed. "That's so sweet! Maybe you'll find her one day!"

Stan laughed and shook his head. "I doubt it, sweetie, but hey. Who needs stealing babes when I've got you three, right?"

Mabel yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Ford chuckled and stood up, popping his back. "I think you two should head to bed. It's getting late and we're going camping tomorrow, remember?"

Mabel gasped happily and stood. "You're right!" She hugged both her uncles and wished them goodnight and then walked with her brother up the stairs for the attic, then Ford left to go finish packing, leaving Stan alone. He leaned on his knuckles, elbow on his armchair, and he remembered Marilyn.

* * *

Mabel was grinning from ear to ear as she skipped ahead on the trail in the woods. "Finally, a _real_ family camping trip!"

Grunkle Ford, Dipper, and Grunkle Stan were right behind her, the Pines family heading back to the Mystery Shack after a fun night sleeping under the stars around a campfire. They were all smiling and happy to be reunited for the summer. While some things drastically changed and some things hardly changed at all, the Pines in appearance changed a little since Dipper and Mabel and turned thirteen.

Mabel had always been nothing but smiles in the past, but if it was even possible she grinned even more now, proud to show off her braces-free white teeth. She still sported amazing sweaters with colorful headbands and skirts, today wearing a brown skirt and a yellow headband with a light-brown sweater with an owl on it, claiming she wanted to match the woods and her Grunkle Ford; he only proved her point when he blushed. Dipper and Wendy switched hats again when they saw each other when the twins came off the bus, but over his orange t-shirt he wore a green flannel unbuttoned and he matched it with blue jeans. No longer out in the freezing Arctic, Stan left behind his long coat, but he kept his white t-shirt, dark pants, red beanie, and water-proof boots for the hiking trip. Ford, the easily cold twin, still wore red turtleneck and dark pants and boots, but his smile was much more genuine and the crack in his glasses was gone.

Grunkle Ford patted his niece's shoulder. "It is nice to have some quality family bonding."

"Next time I say we go fishing." Stan injected. "Not as many creepy spider-fires or whatever."

"Scampfires."

"I still say whatever."

Dipper chuckled and continued to sketch in his pinetree journal, shading in trees of his drawing of the woods. But he was pulled from his pleasant thoughts by his great-uncle. "Seriously, kid, you're gonna walk into a tree and then I'm gonna laugh. You need to get your head outta book and see the rest of the world."

"Grunkle Stan, how do you think people shared the world back in your day? You know, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth?" Dipper quipped.

"Oh, ho! Wise guy, huh?" Stan wrapped an arm around his neck and rubbed his knuckles on the top of his head. "Alright, Poindexter Jr…"

"No! No nuggies!"

" _Yes_ nuggies!"

"Ford!" Dipper laughed, calling for backup.

Mabel, meanwhile, was slowly being pulled away mentally from the touching scene of guys being dudes as the internet would have called it. Distracting her, a tiny brown owl with cute round eyes was hopping. Not just hopping, appearing from behind one oak tree to the neck, but hopping with a sack clamped by the beak. Mabel watched it with wide eyes, hoping for another look, and the second glance she got of it was so brief she didn't know how much faith she should have in her eyes, but it looked like that sack had things like a Cubic Cube, a newspaper, a floppy disk, a basketball, and other items that could be classified as junk. Mabel decided not to wait for another glance at the owl and to go look at it for herself.

Mabel wandered off the path animals had made and moved in between trees and bushes quietly. Her brown eyes eventually landed on the little owl and she followed it; the clattering of the owl or it's determination to finish it's job must have been the reason why it didn't hear Mabel and try to hide or lose her. The young Pines lady watched, walking farther and farther away from her family, and the owl hopped behind a tree and never emerged. Mabel smiled, thinking she was about to find an owl's nest in the tree or a stash of human things by the tree's roots, but when she turned to look behind the tree, she gasped to find a doorway that glowed white.

Mabel looked around her for anyone that might have an answer or for any clue as to why this doorway was here, but she was alone. Gravity Falls certainly was where this sort of thing might happen, but that did not guarantee that this was safe. Maybe she should have the guys look at this thing. Mabel turned around, her back to the doorway, to leave, but she saw something above her and took in a sharp breath.

Stan had Dipper pinned on the grass now, both of them laughing, with Ford shaking his head and scolding lightly. "Stanley, that's enough."

"Don't worry, Grunkle Ford, I promise not to break such an old man." Dipper teased as he lightly fought back,

"Old man?!" Stan repeated in pretend offense.

They were interrupted by a blood curdling scream that made their hearts drop. Stan immediately got off of his nephew and stared ahead, terrified. "Mabel…" And he ran for the direction he heard the scream with Ford and Dipper at his heels.

Mabel pulled her grappling hook out of her hiking-backpack and tried to calm down, but it was hard to with the dangerous anomaly liking it's chops at the sight of her. It was like a gray lizard, but ten feet long, including the tail, and only on it's four legs it was seven feet tall. It's eyes were red and narrow and cold, and it had long sharp claws like a dragon's and a long snout like a crocodile. Mabel shot her grappling hook at the monster and it hit it on the snout, tossing its head back. The lizard hissed but did not back down. It advanced, getting closer to Mabel, and she wanted to back away, but she was careful not to touch the spooky doorway.

Stan saw the scene first, appearing out of the corner of Mabel's eye. "Mabel!"

"Grunkle Stan, what do I do?!" She asked, her eyes glued to the giant lizard.

Ford and Dipper caught up. The younger moved to jump between his sister and the monster, but Ford stopped him with a firm six-fingered hand. "No! Listen to me, Mabel. That thing is called a Stone-Reptilian. They're excellent at camouflaging into mountains and can hang onto a one-hundred-and-eighty degree wall for hours, waiting for its prey. It actually has two tongues: one for licking its eyes since it doesn't have eyelids, and one for paralyzing it's dinner and dragging the meal into its mouth."

"So what do I do?!" Mabel begged, shaking a little at the idea of being paralyzed and then eaten alive.

"Mabel, stay calm, it's alright." Ford soothed with a voice as soft as silk. "Stone-Reptilians have excellent eyesight, but they're deaf. Notice how it's isn't reacting to us. Now, I want you to…"

The Stone-Reptilian suddenly whipped out it's long, thorn-covered tongue to paralyze Mabel, but she was too quick and leaped through the doorway to survive. As she did, it disappeared, and the Pines men were left to scream and then fight for their own lives.

* * *

"Whoops, can't have another stowaway, can I?" A voice said, and then before Mabel knew it, her way back home was gone.

She observed her new surroundings. Misfit things like a refrigerator, a grandfather clock, an old mattress, and cardboard boxes full of items cluttered what looked like a big tent, judging by the cloth walls and such. Mabel smiled with wonder at the things. "Wow. What a collection." She whispered. Her eyes landed on a small glass ballerina on top of a music box. She turned the ballerina around with a finger to catch a few music notes. Mabel smiled, but was once again distracted.

"Right, let's see here… Nope. Garbage. Garbage. Another one of these? Oh, well. Good thing the potions have been selling. I should really thank Luz for helping me take out that competitor. Or not."

Mabel covered her mouth with both hands to keep from snorting; that sounded like something her Grunkle Stan would say. Her heart sagged a little and she turned to look back at where the magical doorway once was. Despite what he might pretend, Mabel knew Stan would be really worried about her. She needed to find a way back home. She crawled on her hands and knees out from under the tent and then got up to explore.

"Okay, let's see…" Mabel looked around to find herself outside in the open air. She raised an eyebrow. "The… Crawlspace? I thought it was underground? Maybe there's more to it! Won't Grunkle Ford be surprised!" Mabel cheered and looked around for anything familiar, but the longer she looked, the more she realized nothing was like back in Gravity Falls.

She stood at the edge of a cliff, overlooking an odd city of some kind. Giant monster hands with no body stood like trees. Smoke rose from chimneys of medieval-looking houses. A small herd of cat-sized dragons flocked by the clouds. A mammoth roared like a lion and then walked into the ocean. Something resembling an orange nun was selling bags of oozing red stuff to tiny red monsters with teeth and fangs for a face. People were riding a giant caterpillar from inside its mouth and then kissing it for a toll.

Mabel's heart was racing from excitement and fear. Nothing here was familiar, but she was familiar with the unfamiliar. She grasped the straps of her backpack and took a deep breath. "Okay, Mabel, you've obviously discovered another rift and came to another dimension. Just remember what your grunkles taught you. Don't touch this dimension's version of yourself or everything will explode. I just gotta live long enough for them to find me. Easy." Her stomach suddenly growled. Mabel clenched her stomach on reflex, but then remembered her bag of marshmallows, pulled them out, and began to munch on her fluffy sugar pillows. She turned around and walked away from the tent she had left, saw she was in some sort of market, and walked down the street to explore calmly.

* * *

"And remember to apply it twice a day for the best results." Luz said friendly to a blue monster made out of goo as she handed her the small bag of dust and the customer closed the door on the human. Luz wiped her sweaty forehead with her wrist and groaned. "Man, it's so hot today. Ready to head home, King? King?" She looked down to find that the king of demons had found the perfect spot on the porch to nap in the sunshine. Luz smiled, scratched his back, and scooped him up one-armed while her other hand carried the empty sack.

"Eh?" King woke up, angry and cute. "Luz! I was having the perfect dream!"

"About what?"

"What could be more perfect than sleeping?!"

"You were dreaming about sleeping?" Luz clarified with a confused smile.

"Don't you?"

Luz snorted a laugh and walked through Bonesburrow. Compared to the rest of the Boiling Isles, the apprentice had learned that this was the quietest neck of the woods. King's nose caught a delightful scent, but the demon was unsure if he should believe it. He sat up in Luz's arm and smelled the air.

"What is it?" Luz asked.

"Hm, it's sweet. Really sweet." King commented and shivered. "Like, _really_ sweet. So sweet it'll put anyone in a sugar-induced coma."

"Well, why don't we just go home and we can have some of Eda's strawberry jelly instead." Luz suggested as they turned a corner. She immediately saw the one really _really_ weird thing in the Boiling Isles, apart from her. _Another human._

After being away from home for about three weeks, Luz didn't think she would be so happy to see another human girl or see human food that wasn't red, but here she was, eyes sparkling with happy tears over the sight. Mabel's eye eventually landed on Luz and the two stared at each other, a good twenty feet away from each other.

After a few moments, however, they both shouted, "ANOTHER HUMAN!" And ran towards each other, King clinging onto Luz's arms in order not to fall.

"Wait," The brunette said and looked worried. "Is this your first time seeing another human here? How long have you been trapped here?!" She apparently had drawn the conclusion that there was no way out of this place.

"Oh, no," The Latino smiled and shook her head. "I'm not trapped here; I can leave whenever I want, I just choose not to."

"Oh. Cool! Hi! I'm Mabel!"

"Hi, Mabel." Luz greeted. "I'm Luz! So… how did you get here?"

Mabel's face dropped a little and she looked around. "You know, I'm not really sure. One minute I was camping with my family and the next I'm falling through a door that disappears and takes me here."

Luz giggled and shook her head. "You must have fallen through Eda's door. Don't worry, I can get you back home."

"You can?!" Mabel hugged her tightly, squishing King in between the two girls. "ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!"

Luz, who was quite the hugger but lived with two hug-haters, grinned and relished in the hug, until a high-voice yelled, "AH! What is with you humans and this tight holding ritual?!"

Mabel's eyes got wide and she jumped away, looking around wildly; that voice sounded too familiar for comfort, but when she saw the king of demons, she gasped with a huge grin and shining eyes. "OH MY GOSH! How cute!" She squealed.

"Thanks." Luz giggled and rubbed his belly. "This is the King of Demons."

"This little bundle of joy?" Mabel asked, happily smoothing over his skull and scratching his back.

"That's what I said!"

"Hey, hey, easy with the merchandise!" King complained. "What makes you think you can… oh! Oh! Right there, yup, right there." Mabel had found the right scratching spot, just between his shoulder-blades, and King relaxed in Luz's arms, almost asleep he was so comfortable.

Mabel giggled and asked, "So, how can you get me back to my family?"

Luz gave it a moment's thought and said, "Well, I guess we could take you to Eda and have her send you home, but she'll be going home soon and it's kinda…"

The girls screamed as a huge guard jumped in front of them. He glared down at the humans and said, "Human previously associated with Eda the Owl Lady, you're hereby under arrest!"

"Not today, sucka!" Luz yelled, threw down one of Eda's smoke bombs, and grabbed Mabel's wrist. "Come on! I know where to go!"

"Crazy monsters, criminals, smoke bombs, demons… I LOVE IT HERE!" Mabel cheered as she was fleeing with her new friends.

* * *

Stan huffed, catching his breath, with his hands on his knees. Ford helped Dipper up cautiously, scanning him over for broken bones from when the monster swung his tail at the boy and slammed him against a tree, but apart from being shaken up, he was fine. Now that the Stone-Reptilian was gone, the Pines men were free to worry about the most important thing in their whole world.

"MABEL?!" Stan screamed and looked around wildly for the rift that took her away. "MABEL! MABEL, SWEETIE!"

"Mabel!" Ford called out. "Mabel, can you hear us?!"

"MABEL! MABEL!" Stan screamed and ignored his stinging eyes.

Dipper's own brown eyes were aching, too, but he refused to be seen as weak and he powered through. "Did… did that thing… g-g-get her?"

"No." Ford said firmly. "I saw it. She fell through… some sort of door, or a rift."

"A-A door?"

"It was rectangular like one, but it was hard to tell."

"The Crawlspace!" Dipper gasped and slapped his forehead. "Don't the entrances change randomly through Gravity Falls? What if she fell through and is down at the black market?"

"What, you mean she's probably surrounded by dangerous monsters in some freaky market?" Stan asked.

"It's a likely possibility." Ford speculated, holding his cleft chin. "Scour the area. If it was an entrance to the Crawlspace, one will show up again soon."

The three men split up, relatively close, and searched for an anomaly. Maybe a hole in a tree or in the ground, what might have been passed as a bird's nest or a groundhog's home could actually be an entrance. Stan was checking some bushes when he thought he heard a strange noise and he looked ahead. A rectangular white light appeared on an oak tree and soon an owl with an empty sack in its beak hopped out. Stan gasped and thought that this was the doorway that took his little girl.

Ford saw his twin run out of the corner of his eye and then disappear through the hole. "Stanley, wait!" He called and ran towards him, disappearing, too.

Then the doorway was gone. Dipper looked around nervously. "Hello? Guys?" He paused, letting it sink in that, once again, he was alone. "I swear if she's at MAB3L again…"

* * *

Stan had stopped. Ford then accidentally ran into him and they both fell forward. "Sixer, get off!"

"Shh!" Ford slapped a polydactyl hand over his brother's mouth, which made him grumble, but before Stan could lick his hand in response, he heard what Ford was hearing.

"I'll give you fifty snails for the whole lot."

A laugh-filled snort followed. "It's seventy-five, kid. Take it or leave it." That voice… something was familiar about that laugh.

There was grumbling and what sounded like items being collected. Stan and Ford exchanged looks and slowly got up. After looking around the tent, they peered out of the crack in the curtains to see an odd market. They awed at the sight of dozens of weird creatures. One looked like a turquoise hairless-cat. One looked like a pig with green eyes and it breathed fire on a piece of meat on a stick to cook it for a snack. A kid with pointy ears dropped a basket full of eyeballs and scrambled to pick them up. Ford grinned excitedly like a dork while Stan winced at the sight of an ice-cream eating a customer.

Stan glanced to his left and he had to hold his breath to keep from gasping and blowing their cover. Wearing a tight-fitted, torn maroon dress and matching boots, gold on her chest and ears and fingers and a sharp tooth, her eyes sparkling like gold coins, a woman with big gray hair leaned against a table full human things and flicked through a _Gold Chains for Old Men_ magazine with a skeptical look on her face.

Stan was nearly as pale as she was when she snorted another laugh and flipped a page. "Hah! Not a bad read. Better than that kindling Luz keeps around." She mumbled and made herself comfortable in her chair, waiting for another customer, one leg crossed over the other and she lightly kicked it as she read.

Stan swallowed. There was no way. No possible way… then again, given everything weird that's happened to him, from freaky portal, to demon triangles, to gnomes and unicorns and sirens and krakens, even to a full-blown Weirdmageddon, should he really be all that surprised that faith would bite him in the butt like this?

Ford glanced down at his twin and found he could read him like an open book. "Stanley…" He hissed.

The lady straightened in her seat and looked up from the magazine, listening. Now it was Stan's turn to cover Ford's mouth. They were still, waiting for the ady to find them, but she shrugged casually and continued to read. The men backed away, out of sight, and were each on one knee, facing each other, as they whispered.

"Sixer, where the heck are we? The Crawlspace?"

"I'm not sure." Ford hissed. "I have never seen these types of anomalies before. I suppose it's possible they hide here during the day and I had never seen them at night, but… this place feels off. To summarize, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

"Fine, but when what do we do about Mabel?"

"Our objection is still the same. Let's just keep a low profile and try to find her."

The twins froze when the curtain was thrown open and the lady stood before them. She immediately sneered down at them. "If you amateur pickpockets think you can…" But then she stopped, for several reasons.

One: these creatures were clearly old, about her age, and so unless they had a sudden career change, they were not amateurs. Two: as a human expert and a teacher and hostess of a human, she instantly recognized these two big-eared creatures as humans. Three: something about the one in the white shirt and red hat was very familiar.

"No… way…" She narrowed her golden eyes.

Stan was now confident that his memory wasn't flawed; the way she reacted to seeing him, recognizing him, confirmed that he knew her.

Before he could do anything, she grabbed each twin by the ear and pinched; they were at her mercy and receiving flashbacks from when their mother was angry with them. "You two got some explaining to do." The lady sneered.

"Gah! Let us go, crazy old bat!" Stan barked as she dragged them out from the tent and made them sit on barrels for stools.

"Who are you calling old, human?" The lady sneered and crossed her arms over her chest. "Just tell me what you think you're doing here."

"Begging your pardon on our introduction," Ford said coldly, but then softened as he and his brother did have an important mission. "But our grandniece is missing. We believe she came through here." And he pulled out a picture of Mabel hugging a stuffed-penguin from his wallet and showed it to her.

The lady peered down at the photo and said, "Sorry, old-timers, I haven't seen anyone like that around here."

"Now, how can we trust you, _Marilyn_." Stan sneered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ford's eyes widened as he pocketed his picture. He was rendered speechless for a moment.

"Oh, like you're one to talk about honesty, _Stan_." She deride.

"You two know each other?!" Ford gasped, looking from his brother to the stranger rapidly like a game of tennis. " _She's_ your ex-wife?!"

The lady snorted a laugh and sighed happily. "Ah, good times, huh?"

"Not really." Stan sneered and stood. "You still owe me five hundred bucks!"

"At least you got your car back, Grumpy." The lady teased and patted his cheek; he swatted her hand away in response and growled like an angry pitbull. "If you want my help finding your girl then play nice."

"So, you honestly didn't see her." Stan repeated with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, I may be a conwoman, a pickpocket, and the most powerful witch you'll ever meet, but I wouldn't lie if it was gonna endanger some kid." The lady snapped her fingers and all of the human collectibles floated and gathered into a green cloth, tied up like a hobo's luggage. She pulled out a staff and put the bag through it, making it easy to carry. Eda whistled and the little owl flew to her and landed on her staff and turned into wood. "Come along, humans, we'll find your niece and get you two home."

Ford followed the lady and decided to be the "nice" one since Stan was obviously too salty to be one; someone had to be nice to the lady that was going to help them find Mabel. "Thank you, Marilyn."

"Oh, right. That's not my real name…"

"Knew it."

"... you're a fool to give your real name to a casino in Vegas. It's Edalyn, but just call me Eda. Or your worst nightmare."

"Whatever you say, toots." Stan growled as they walked down the street.

"So, Eda," Ford cut in to try to cut the tension between the two. "What exactly is this place, and what are you?"

Eda stopped suddenly and turned around, wearing a proud grin. She stabbed her staff on the ground with a small bang, making the owl come to life, the sack hanging by her fist, and she proclaimed, "I am known as the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch here on the Boiling Isles!"

"A witch?" Stan laughed. "More like a b…"

"I am a feared, respected, vigorous force to be reckoned with!" Eda went on and let go of the staff so it floated like a witch's broomstick. "Come on, old-timers, let's get a bird's eye-view to find your girl."

They each grabbed the staff when Eda sat upon it and yelled with fear as she had them fly up in the air, leaving the old twins to dangle in the air.

"GAAAAAAAH!"

"EDA!" Stan yelled. "Put us down!"

"That can be arranged." Eda said cunningly and swooped down quickly. With the air drying Eda's eyes and forming tears and the brother holding onto the staff (and each other) for dear life, all three were yelling, one with delight, two with fright.

"STANLEY!" Ford shouted. "PLEASE try not to piss off your ex-wife!"

Eda laughed and at the very last second, right before the men would crash into the ground, she flew them up into the sky. "Ah, don't worry, I won't let you two knuckleheads get hurt."

They flew softer and calmer above the Boiling Isles and the humans awed at the scene. In the carcass of a monster, by the sea, the Bones of the Isles sat snug in the midst of chaos. Eda floated to allow the men a moment to take in the scenery, smiling down at their round brown eyes.

"It's beautiful." Ford admired.

"Yup, not too shabby." Eda commented casually. "It's not much, but it's home."

"We know what that's like." Stan muttered.

"Speaking of which," Eda said casually. "Where did you two say you were from?"

"We didn't. Gravity Falls, Oregon." Ford answered, keeping an eye out for Mabel.

"Oh, I've heard rumors about that place." Eda said as she flew calmly over the town. "My door has a bad habit of appearing there way too often. I need more variety in my human collectibles."

"So, you steal our junk and try to sell it for a great price?" Stan asked; he sounded a little impressed.

"That and I sell potions on the weekdays. When I'm not mentoring my student. Enough chit-chat, see your girl down there?"

The men took a few more minutes to look, as well as Eda, but there was no sign of her. "No." Ford's voice dripped with concern. "Eda, what are the chances she was kidnapped or hurt?"

"Oh, that probably didn't happen to her." The witch said calmly. "If she's not safe she probably got eaten or taken by Warden Wrath."

"WHAT?!"

"Relax, Sixer," Stan said, confident in his pumpkin. "She's our little fighter, she'll be fine."

Eda snorted. "Sixer?"

"It's Stanford, actually." His face was a little red over the fact that he couldn't hide his six-fingered hands, too busy holding the magic staff to keep from falling.

"Meh, I've seen weirder." Eda looked like she truly didn't care how many fingers he had; Ford appreciated that. "Well, I've got a great tracker at home." The Owl Lady said and started to fly towards the red forest. "Why don't we go pick him up and see if he can help us out. Got anything the girl held?"

"Yes," When the men landed on their feet and Eda hopped next to them, Ford pulled out his wallet again and took out a folded-up, hand-drawn picture of Stan and Ford on a boat, a gift from Mabel while they were apart that she had mailed to them.

"Aw, that's so cute." The witch cooed. "Who knew all Pines men were putty in girls' hands." She laughed at her own joke and shook her head. "Ah, keep moving, boys."

Stan hurried to catch up and he walked next to Eda with narrow eyes, ignoring the way her odd golden fang sparkled, how her eyes gleamed with spunk, how she held herself up high with pride. "So, you're gonna answer some questions for me…"

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"If you're a witch, what were you doing in Las Vegas?"

"Hey, a witch's gotta make some gold, too." Eda shrugged as she smiled. "I haven't exactly kept a clean record here so making a living takes a bit of extra effort, but it's much for fun and unpredictable, the way life's supposed to be."

Stan raised an eyebrow at two things: the fact his ex was a criminal in this world too, and her philosophy. "I can respect that, seeing how I was there for the same reasons."

"I know." Eda rolled her eyes teasingly. "You wouldn't shut up about how you were gonna make it big and show the world what this big lug could do." And she elbowed Stan, which he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Heh. Yeah, what can I say, I'm a real loud-mouth. Say what's on my mind."

"Hey, nothing wrong with being brutally honest to make up for lying, am I right?" Eda said with a shrug.

"So, was your hair fake back then, or…"

"No, no, it was real. I was really proud of my hair back in the day, flaming red and wild."

"Looks pretty good now. Love it, in fact. Big and bold, hard to miss."

"Hey, you aged pretty well yourself, handsome."

Ford smiled as he watched the exes tease and pick on each other. If a compliment was given, it dripped with sarcasm and there was no guarantee that it was sincere, but they must have seen a gleam in their eyes or felt a "vibe" that Ford didn't experience, because the conversation progressed well as they walked through the forest. Ford was happy to see Stan get along fairly well with this woman and wondered if this would go exceptionally better than the whole McCorkle incident.

They emerged from the woods and found a large house standing by some cliffs leading to an ocean. It was about as far from the seas as Pines Pawns was all those years ago. The house was big, maybe bigger than the Mystery Shack (probably not if counting the basement-floors) with a big stain-glass window that reminded Stan of a cat's eye and Ford of Bill's eye, but then they both individually remembered Eda's title and realized it was probably representing an owl's eye. A weather-vane with an owl sat on top of the house, a broken-down tower stood behind, and an owl's head was on the door. The humans were startled, but they quickly recovered, again having experienced much weirder than a live owl-head on a door.

"Girl knows how to keep a theme going." Stan commented as they approached.

"Oh, boy!" The owl on the door hooted. "More company! Maybe _they_ wanna hear some of my stories!"

"Not a chance, Hooty." Eda quipped. "Is King still home? We need his help, and we might want Luz's too while we're at it."

"They're both telling stories to that new human. The one with the pretty owl sweater."

"Wait, what?!" The three old people asked and Hooty swung open the door.

Luz was holding King on her lap on the couch, sitting with Mabel as all three were laughing. Even King was rolling around and holding his little fluffy body with glee. Mabel's back was to the door and she resumed her storytelling as she wiped a tear under her eye. "So then I look down at Dipper and see that he's still got his socks on!"

Luz cackled a laugh and held her head one-handed, her other arm still holding King, but it was to no avail as the demon fell off from all the laughing. Eda, Ford, and Stan smiled as the girls were having fun. They had no idea how they found each other, but it was better for them to be here, safe and happy, than to have the newbie be someone's meal. Luz fanned her reddening face and finally noticed the company. "Hi, Eda. Sorry, but she was lost and needs our help."

Mabel turned, on her knees on the couch, but grinned with a gasp. "GUYS!" And she hopped over the arm of the couch for her grunkles.

"Mabel!" They opened their arms and got on one knee for their girl. Mabel ran into their hold and they hugged her tightly, relieved to be with her again and to find her more than okay. "What did I tell you about scaring me like that, pumpkin?!" Stan asked as he held her with all of his might.

"You didn't tell _me_ , Grunkle Stan."

"Oh, right."

"We're just so happy to find you alright, my dear." Ford loosened his grip just enough to look up at Luz, who was smiling admirably at the reunion. "And I see you've made some friends."

Mabel let go and nodded. "Yeah! That's Luz! Luz, these are my grunkles! Stan and Ford!"

"Nice to meet you guys." Luz said and waved politely. "Mabel said you'd come, but how did you two survive out there?"

"They nearly didn't." Eda lied easily. "Were in the mouths of a giant giraffe when I saved their butts."

"Yeah right!" Stan barked a laugh. "Anyways, we've been through worse, kid."

Luz gasped excitedly. "Worse than giant bugs and centaurs with eyes on their chest and man-eating slugs and fire-breathing eye-less fangs and jealous witches?!"

"Worse. I've punched a pterodactyl in the face and a few zombies, fallen down a Bottomless Pit, lost my hands to a witch, fought off eagles and explosions, survived giant man-eating spiders…"

"Stanley, that is all impressive, but have you fought a talking chair, battled in four wars, conned an abominable snowman, outran a volcano, examined floating eyebats, been turned to gold…"

"I find that hard to believe." Eda snorted.

"I believe them." Luz said with a shrug. "You always said weird stuff leaks from this world into theirs."

"So, if you don't mind me asking," Ford said, stepping forward. "What exactly is this place? I've heard rumors of a place called the Boiling Isles, but I just thought it was a little hiding place like the Crawlspace, not an entirely new dimension."

"Nope!" Eda corrected happily. "This whole world is the Boiling Isles, a world full of despair, monsters, gross-stuff, demons, and magic."

"This place sounds so cool!" Mabel cheered. She looked at Luz and said, "No wonder you wanted to stay here. Wait! Do you have your own room?!"

"Yeah! C'mon, I'll show you!" And the girls ran off with Luz scratching King's tummy and leaving him to nap on the floor, tired from laughing.

Eda plopped down on the couch and gestured for the men to do the same. "I'd offer refreshments but all we have is apple blood and some disgusting beverage Luz likes called orange juice."

Stan looked up at the wanted poster of Eda and the reward promised for her capture. He smiled, impressed and interested.

"We're okay, thank you, Eda." Ford said. "If you don't mind me asking, our niece said something about Luz choosing to stay here?"

"Yeah, that's right." Eda reached under her couch-cushion and rummaged as she spoke. "Kid came through my door when Owlbert brought over some little treasures to sell. Sweet girl. Kinda naive and gullible, but clever in her own right and she's a fast learner. Stubborn with the forces of positivity."

Stan snorted. "Heh. We know someone like that."

"She said she didn't fit in at home." Eda finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a wrinkled, crumpled up pamphlet at read, _Reality Check Summer Camp: Think Inside the Box._ "Don't really understand some of this human stuff, but I figured it must be pretty bad if it made a kid not wanna go home, so I read over it and this place sounds awful! Totally squandered any creativity or individualism! Her own mother was sending her here!" Eda let Ford look it over and she shrugged off the rant. "Anyway, she said she wanted to stay and she was willing to work for it, so I took her in as my apprentice for the summer and now she's learning how to be a witch."

"Hm, sounds a lot better than kidnapping." Stan approved with his arms crossed over his chest.

"This place is completely horrible." Ford commented about the summer camp. "They teach kids how to appropriate public radio!"

"AM or FM?"

"Both."

"Ouch."

"So, what exactly are you doing with such a cute girl, Eight-Ball?" Eda asked, getting Stan's attention. "And what is a grunkle?" She snorted with a smile.

"She's our grandniece." Stan said proudly, puffing out his chest. "We're her great-uncles. Her grunkles."

"Aw, who knew you were such a softie?"

"I am not!"

"You watched over five hours of video-tutorials on how to braid hair." Ford said behind the pamphlet.

"She asked me to braid her hair and it bothered me that I couldn't do it!"

Eda cackled and touched Stan's shoulder. His eyes followed and he smiled at her cute laugh. "Aw, you're worse than King."

King peeked an eye at her and sneered, "One more passive aggressive comment and I'll…"

"That's not a passive aggressive comment." Eda said as she picked up the little goofball. "I can do better than that."

"Huh, and here I was thinking that was just one of Luz's toys." Stan teased.

"Hey!" King stood on the couch by Eda's side and pointed a bony paw at the old man. "Since you're a human, I'll let you walk away with a warning, but have it be known that I'm the King of Demons and shall one day drink the fear of those who mock me!"

Ford folded the pamphlet and observed King cautiously. He didn't like… his voice. His voice sent shivers down the old scientist's spine.

Stan snorted. "Sorry, pipsqueak, but I've faced worse demons than you."

"Oh, yeah, like what?" King asked.

The girls came back, smiling and holding hands, and Luz asked, "Eda, can we please _please_ PLEASE have a sleepover?! I want to show Mabel the new light spell I learned and show her how to properly scratch a demon's tummy."

Ford chuckled and stood. "I'm sorry, ladies, but we really should be heading back. I'm sure Dipper is worried sick."

Mabel gasped with horror. "Oh, NO! Dipper!"

"Oh, hey, don't worry." Luz eased. "You two are totally welcome here anytime you want."

"Aw, thanks, Luz." Mabel hugged her and said, "I promise I'll bring Dip-Dip next time. He'd love it here! And he could tell you all about the Manotaurs and the weird copy-machine."

Eda and Stan stood up, too, and the Owl Lady had her arms crossed over her chest. "Well, looks like we'll be seeing each other again pretty soon. You okay with them hanging out?"

Stan shrugged and pocketed his hands in his jeans. "Yeah, sure. Good friends are kinda rare these days. Gotta hold onto 'em and never let 'em go."

"Agreed." Eda said and saw them exchanging those odd codes on their glowing rectangles. "Well, have your girl tell my girl when to open the door and I'll see what I can do." And she held out a hand to Stan.

He hesitated (not just because of whose hand it was, but because shaking hands always seemed to lead to something bad, but maybe this time will be different), but he took it and shook it gently. "Yeah, and if your girl never needs a break in the human world, have her tell my girl."

Eda smiled at Stan and shook Ford's hand, as well. She pulled the key out of her hair and unlocked the door, making it appear and swing open. Mabel skipped to her great-uncles and waved goodbye to Luz, who waved back, and she went with Ford through the door for home. Stan stole one last look at Eda, who winked at him, and he disappeared with a pink face.


	2. Making and Revisiting Memories

Episode Placement:  
GF = after finale (S3?)  
OH = between S1E7 and E8

* * *

Mabel giggled at a funny meme Luz had texted her. Who doesn't love pics of an angry-looking kitty and a toad sipping coffee? She texted Luz a bunch of laughing emojis and scratched Waddles.

Luz, meanwhile, was sitting on the couch in the living room with King sleeping by his side. Or at least trying to. He was in the perfect spot, but Luz's giggling was disturbing his slumber. Luz texted back: _It's so good to have someone appreciate these! Eda thinks their stupid and King never gets them._

M: _Memes are a rare language only teenagers and creepy forty-year-olds understand._

Luz texted a gif of a guy pointing and saying "you got me there" and she scratched King's back. He rolled over in his sleep and Luz scratched his tummy.

L: _So whatcha doin' today?_

M: _Dipper wants to go investigate some new anomaly._

L: _Cool! What is it?_

M: _…_ _You know, why don't I get him to tell you? Are you up for visitors today?_

L: _YES! Yes, yes, YES! I'll ask Eda!_

Luz hurried off the couch and ran up outside to find Eda drinking out of her 30 & Flirty mug in the warm sun. "Eda! Can Mabel come over and bring her brother Dipper?"

"That human girl you met last week?" Eda asked and shrugged. "Sure, okay. Just make sure her uncle won't be after my blood."

"Thanks Eda, you're the best!" And Luz hurriedly texted Mabel back.

* * *

Mabel's phone made a dazzling noise, like sparkles, meaning she got a text. She squealed and Dipper then entered the bedroom, having been blackmailed into a shower by his own twin. He was shaking his hair dry, fully dressed, when Mabel said, "Dip-Dip, cancel your plans for today!"

"What, but we were gonna investigate the graveyard for loose zombies, remember?"

"Not anymore! You're gonna see the Boiling Isles!"

Dipper gasped and dropped his towel. "Are you serious?! The Boiling Isles! I've been wanting a chance to see it for myself and record it in my journal!"

"Well, now you've got one." Mabel hopped off the bed and said, "We just gotta make sure it's okay with Grunkle Stan first."

Dipper slammed on his pinetree hat and hurried with Mabel downstairs. They found both of their great-uncles in front of the TV, Stan trying to explain some new show to Ford, but the old-school scientist just couldn't see the appeal in a show about a bird and a raccoon terrorizing an amusement park.

"Can we go see Luz at the Boiling Isles today, please please _please_?!" Mabel begged, using her cuteness as a weapon against her temporary-guardians.

'You expect me to allow my kids into a dangerous world full of monsters and demons and some creepy witch?" Stan asked with a raised eyebrow, but then smiled. "Sounds like fun! Have at it."

Mabel and Dipper cheered and high-fived, then the hyperactive girl gave her Grunkle Stan a quick hug before running off into the kitchen with the sweaty teenage boy to text Luz.

"Are you sure that is a good idea, Stanley?" Ford asked.

The younger twin shrugged. "I trust her."

"Who? Mabel or Eda?"

"Yes." Ford snorted and gave his brother a sly look. Stan narrowed his eyes at him and grunted, "What?"

"You like her, don't you?" Ford asked.

"Who? My niece or some creepy owl lady?"

"Yes."

Stan laughed and punched Ford's shoulder. "Yeah, right. Eda's just a fun story to tell and a cool chick. She's not my type."

"Right, because your type is gigantic man-eating spiders and deadly sirens." Ford said sarcastically. "I saw the way you looked at her. I haven't seen you smile quite like that since Carla McCorkle."

"That's ancient history." Stan said dryly. "I'm way over her. Besides, Eda and I've got our own lives. Sure, what we had was great back in the day, and yeah I'll admit it, it was love at first sight, but love dies off, you know." He didn't at all sound a little bit bitter or hurt.

Ford shrugged and stood up for another cup of coffee. "Maybe whatever you two had will come back. Look, I may have twelve PhDs, but I know next to nothing about girls and dating or whatever, but I _do_ know my own brother, and I saw a side of you I haven't seen in a long time: you looked truly, genuinely happy."

Stan stood so he could punch his twin's shoulder softly. "I _am_ happy, Sixer. I've got you and the kids. I don't need anything else."

Ford smiled. "I can understand that logic. Still, try to keep an open mind, Knucklehead." And he walked off to the kitchen for some more caffeine.

* * *

Eda unlocked the door and soon a pair of Caucasian twins with brown hair and matching eyes ran through. The girl grinned at the sight of Luz and the boy smiled politely. Mabel ran up to Luz and the girls hugged and squealed in delight.

"This'll be so much fun!" Luz cheered. "I have so many things to show you! Tons of books filled with monsters, a real-life demon, I can even show you my light spell!"

"Thanks for having us!" Mabel said to both Luz and Eda. "This is my brother, Dipper."

"Nice to meet you, kid." Eda said with a wink.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Eda." Dipper admired and immediately pulled out his notebook from his vest and was ready to take notes. "Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions about your kind and what it means to be a witch?"

"Maybe later, kid." Eda said casually. "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a nap." She walked behind her dresser and snapped her fingers, magically changing into her pajamas. She yawned into her hand and made her way up the stairs. "Stay as long as you want and just don't make a mess and don't wake me up unless you wanna die a slow and painful death. Oh. Luz." Eda tossed her the key from the top of the stairs and the human caught it. "So you don't have to wake me up to send the other humans home."

"Thanks, Eda." Luz called and the door closed. "So, Dipper, Mabel says you two do a lot of exploring?" She asked.

"Oh yeah," Dipper acknowledged. "Gravity Falls is filled with tons of anomalies and weird stuff. We've faced eyebats, gremloblins, zombies, ghosts, an army of angry gnomes…"

"Wow! That's so cool!" Luz said and opened the front door. "You'll definitely like it here! I'll give you guys a quick tour."

"YES!" The twins cheered and hurried out the door, but were frozen with shock when the door spoke.

"Finally! Company! I've been waiting for someone to hear my stories! Okay, so one time a bug crawled into my eye and… OW!" Hooty was interrupted by Dipper using his journal to smack the talking owl head on the - well, on the head. "Geez! Ow! Hoot!"

"Sorry," Dipper winced.

"Aw!" Mabel squealed and reached up to scratch the top of her head. "He's so cute! Who's a good door, who's a good door?"

"I dunno, is it me?" Hooty cooed, putty in Mabel's hands as she scratched him lovingly.

"Alright, come on guys. Hooty's gotta guard the house while Eda and King are napping." Luz said and led the way into town.

Dipper and Mabel grinned as one walked beside Luz to talk and the other wrote in his journal diligently.

* * *

Gus was squealing where he stood with Willow by his side. She smiled and rolled her eyes affectionately at her close friend and said, "Gus, if you don't calm down you're going to faint again."

"I haven't fainted in two years." Gus defended. "I'm fine. I just wanna know what Luz's surprise is!"

"I wonder if it's a new spell she learned, Or a gift from the human world."

Gus gasped loudly and shouted, "What if it's a tiny clock for your wrist?! What if it's a ball that can float on it's own?! WHAT IF IT'S A SMALL ENTERTAINMENT RECTANGLE?!"

"Look, there she is!" Willow pointed the human out and waved.

Meanwhile, Luz was talking to the twins as she walked with them. "Now remember that it's rude to stare, never trust a man in sandals, and always measure twice, cut once."

"Measure… twice… cut… once…" Dipper muttered as he wrote Luz's tips in his journal. "Got it."

"Now, I want you two to meet… oh hey! There they are! Willow! Gus!" Luz called and approached her friends quickly with her visitors.

Gus gasped loudly and was then speechless, completely stone-still with his mouth hanging open. Luz smiled at his reaction while Willow grinned happily. "Hey guys! This is Dipper and Mabel, humans from the human realm! Guys, this is Willow and Gus, they're my best friends."

"Wow! Elves!" Mabel squealed, at once catching the pointy ears and holding out a hand to shake. "Hi! I'm Mabel! It's so nice to meet you."

Willow giggled and shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you too, but we're not elves; we're witches. See," And Willow made a circle at the dirt, making a pretty pink flower sprout and bloom. She plucked it and held it out to Mabel and said, "Welcome to the Boiling Isles."

"Oh, wowie zowie." The human breathed and pinned the flower by her ear. "Thank you!"

"Are you two really humans?" Willow asked.

Dipper smiled as he pocketed his journal and pen in his vest; he knew these witches were probably just as excited to meet humans as these humans were excited to meet witches. "Yup. I gotta admit, I've seen lots of weird stuff but this place is even more weird and mysterious than anything I've ever saw."

"I'm glad you like it here." Willow then noticed how little Gus was speaking and gently elbowed him. "Gus, say something." She whispered softly.

"Ack… ah…" The young witch gasped, the nerd in him overtaking his logic, his brain slower than a snail on a turtle's back to the overwhelming fantasy coming true. "Ears... wire… teeth… round…"

"Uh, is he okay?" Mabel asked.

"He's fine." Luz said calmly. "He's the president of the Human Appreciation Society at school."

"Oh, cool." Dipper said. "So this would be like me meeting the author for him." He added to his sister, who giggled, and then she asked,

"So, what do you guys like to do for fun?"

Luz, Willow, and Gus all grinned excitedly as they exchanged looks and they happily grabbed the twins' hands and took them on an adventure into the unknown.

* * *

Vexing off some frustrations and hoping to forget her worries for a moment with a successful evening of winning bets and making money, Eda counted her bills one more time. It was enough to slap a man like it was a glove. With her flaming orange hair everywhere, her shiny gold tooth sparkling alongside her excited eyes, and comfortable in casual human attire, it felt good to leave behind the Boiling Isles for a while and be somewhere new. Not that she intended to stay; she didn't quite belong here.

Eda reached for a slot machine handle and pulled. One strawberry, two strawberries, and a banana. The hidden witch frowned and growled in her throat, determined to outwit this thing. She decided to give it one more try before incorporating some magic. She reached for the handle only to have her hand touch someone else's hand.

Her golden eyes landed on a buff man around her age. He wore a red Hawaiian shirt, his buttons a little low to showcase a gold chain and a bit of chest hair. Scars littered his knuckles and he had a five o'clock shadow on his square chin, his shaggy brown hair nearly long enough to be a mullet. His brown eyes sparked with excitement and he immediately put on a sly grin that made Eda smirk in return. Instantly she knew this guy was going to give her a good time.

He let go of the slot machine, shrugged and gestured to the machine, and said, "Good luck."

Eda smiled, pulled the lever, and decided to perform a small spell behind her back with her free hand. One strawberry, two strawberries, three strawberries. Blinking lights and spitting money clarified Eda's victory and she punched the air several times. "Yes yes yes yes yes!" She scooped up her loot into her bag and challenged, "Let's see if you can do any better, Muscles."

The guy smiled cockily and gave it a shot, rubbing his hands together and popping his knuckles. To Eda's pleasant surprise, the guy got three bananas, earning four times the amount the witch won, and he gave a barking laugh that Eda found pleasant and full-hearted. "Eat it, toots!" Stan bragged as he pocketed the winnings and pulled out a big stack of cash to flaunt. "Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but looks like Lady Luck's on my side tonight."

"You wish," Eda snorted. "Tell you what, buster, let's make this night even more interesting."

The guy raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh?"

"You and I play against each other for the rest of the evening. Whoever wins the most from this point forward… I don't know, the winner lives in glory and the loser wallows in eternal shame."

The guy leaned across the machine, still as cocky as ever with a smile as sly as a fox. "How about loser treats winner out to breakfast?"

Eda crackled a laugh and held out a hand to shake. "You've got a deal."

The guy took her hand, shook it, and said, "Name's Stan by the way."

Eda said the first back-up name that came to mind. "Marilyn." She would be an idiot to give away her real name in a dodgy place like Las Vegas.

And so the competitive game of betting at the club began. From poker to blackjack to straight-up dice rolling and slot machines, the two spirited and care-free adults roamed the casino with one goal: to kick the other's butt. All the while they talked like they were old friends. It was crazy ridiculous how easy their talks were. Everything just worked.

Between cocktails and anything with a buzz, the two were foul cheaters, one brilliantly street-smart and the other crafty and gifted with a certain set of skills. One time Stan tried to leave a table and fell on his face to find his shoelaces tied, even though he could have sworn Eda never had a chance to prank him. Eda quickly liked this guy a lot; he was fun! She could poke fun at him without worrying about hurting his wittle feewings, rather he would poke back and make her laugh. Even as she threw dice at his head once in order to swipe his winnings, he grabbed her wrist, tickled her ribs, and swiped some of her gold; Eda retaliated by pouncing on him like a bird after her prey and they wrestled for a moment before Stan threw her down and laughed. Eda grinned, impressed he could fight, and they high-fived before moving on.

It was a close call, but by three in the morning Stan was richer by five bucks, so Eda shrugged and said she was only passing through and wondered if he knew a place with edible food. Stan, who had been living in town for about a month, took her in the Stanmobile and drove her to a cheap 24-hour diner by the interstate. The whole time they chatted pleasantly, making fun of the other and telling stories and generally having a good time. As Stan drove and his hair became a wild mess, Eda smiled at him; she had never felt this way about anyone. No one challenged her or made her feel this important.

And so Eda found herself eating pancakes with tons of strawberries and strawberry syrup, sipping a mug of black coffee. Stan was telling another story in between bites of pancake with eggs and plenty of bacon, his coffee also as black as the night. Eda listened, entertained, and held her mug with both of her pale hands to keep them warm.

"... so I said to the bouncer, 'where's your idea, ugly?' And that's how I got this scar." And Stan rolled back his sleeve to show off the proof of his story.

Eda laughed and tilted her head up to show a tiny scar under her chin. "I got this one from playing with my sister. She tricked me and I ran after her and tripped over a tree root and landed on a rock. Blood was everywhere, Mother was furious at her, which was all the payback I needed; she almost never got into trouble."

"Ah, got a goody-two-shoes sibling, huh?" Stan asked, leaned back in his booth as he ate another piece of bacon.

"Can you relate?"

Stan laughed. "Yeah, my older brother Shermie's a total square. He's an okay guy, though. Made me an uncle."

"That's nice." Eda said. "Lily will never make me an aunt; she's already married to the law." She groaned, adding a gagging noise for comedic effect, and she sipped her coffee.

"Ugh, are you related to a cop?" Stan groaned and held his forehead as he smiled.

"More like a detective."

"Hey, I had an uncle who was a detective." Stan remembered. "Cool guy; smoked a pack a day, but he had this bachelor's apartment in New York City and cracked tons of cases. He wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, good ole Uncle Jack. So, do you still talk to your sister, or…"

Eda shrugged. "Not really. She decided I wasn't good enough for her and I decided she wasn't worth it, so we kinda went our separate ways."

Stan nodded solemnly, his eyes elsewhere. "It happens. I don't really talk to my family anymore."

"Sorry." She said sympathetically, her eyes anywhere but her date.

"Meh. I'm not." Stan lied easily. "If the guy wants to go to some smarty-pants school and live a boring life, always knowing what's gonna happen, that's his mistake."

Eda smiled and chuckled under her throat. "My thoughts exactly. Life isn't proper; it's wild and unpredictable, but that's what makes it so beautiful."

Stan smiled and pointed at her. "I like your philosophy, babe."

"Your's isn't so bad, handsome." Eda replied in her mug. "Could use some polishing, but hey what do I know?"

Stan smiled and the conversation shifted. That drunken state a lack of sleep will give you, but neither were willing to turn in just yet. Eda still had a goal she wanted to reach before leaving town; if she wanted to more than double her winnings, she would have to be slippery, but she couldn't help but have an amazing time and actually feel something beyond an excitement for trouble.

About an hour later, now only snacking on coffee and water and probably pissing off their waiter, Eda asked, "Hey Stan, wanna marry me?"

Stan stared at her, breathing in water, and needing a minute to clear his windpipes before answering. "I don't think you wanna do that, Marilyn. You hardly know me." He said darkly, leaning forward and looking down.

Eda took the hand that was lying on the table and squeezed it gently. "I know enough." She stood, leaned over the table, and kissed Stan.

It was actually really nice. Like, _really_ nice. Sure she could do without the taste of coffee and the sticky syrup on his lips, but when he kissed back and had a hand in her wild hair Eda's heart was pounding faster, excitement and adrenaline being the witch's favorite drug. When they parted and Eda had a knee on the table, Stan nodded. "Okay. I'll marry you."

Half an hour later, they both stood in front of Cupid with brush hair and teeth and Eda had a bundle of roses Stan had shoplifted for her. After a quick exchange of "I do"s and speeding back to Stan's motel room, they both quickly undressed and reaped from the benefits of being a couple.

* * *

Hungover and tired from an all-nighter, Eda slept in Stan's arms nearly all day, finally waking up around three in the afternoon with Stan still asleep. She laid there and smiled, eyes closed and enjoying having such warm and strong arms wrapped around her. After spending so many years alone, it was nice to sleep with someone she loved.

Heck, she may love him but he didn't need a witch criminal in her life. And Eda's life was too unpredictable to risk being tied down. So she went over her plan and was confident it would work. It might hurt for a minute, but soon Stan would look back on this and laugh. He was just that kind of guy.

After coffee and some bananas to help with the headaches, Stan got in the shower, leaving Eda alone. Perfect. Even all of their winnings from last night were on the table. Quickly re-dressing with a snap of her fingers, the cunning witch quietly scooped up the cash into her bag and hung it over her shoulder. She looked around the room and considered taking a souvenir, a human artifact to sell, but while Stan had many things she liked (many things others saw as garbage), Eda decided to go easy on her husband; she owed him that. In her neon pink shirt, blue-jean skirt, and heeled boots, Eda quietly opened the door and tip-toed out of the room. But then she suddenly heard the sounds of the shower being turned off and the curtains being drawn back. Right, males took shorter showers.

Eda quickly left and let the door make a loud-ish click noise. Let's give Stan a warning. Let him fight for it, maybe. The red Diablo was right in front of her, giving her an idea. Rather than running away to then later duck through a door, Eda changed her plan; she was going to give Stan one hell of an adventure. She made circles on the door and it unlocked, then used circles on the engine and the cluttered car roared to life. She grinned, her golden tooth sparkling and her eyes ablaze like her hair, and just as Stan stood at the motel's door in a maroon bathrobe and a towel held by his wet hair, Eda stepped on the gas and happily let the tires screech her farewell.

"HEY!"

Eda cackled and snorted all the way out of the motel's parking lot and down the street. She relaxed and even rolled down the window to lean out and enjoy some fresh air. Not the same as flying, but close enough. Eda was going over her escape plan in her head when she noticed something behind her. She even turned her head back surprisingly far and saw Stan - still in his bathrobe - chasing after her in a stolen motorcycle.

Eda grinned. "I knew I married that guy for more than one reason." She sped up and happily dodged traffic and pedestrians. In fact, one or two things in her way may or may not have floated above her and then safely come back down, but who knows?

First the lights, then the sirens. The witch knew what that meant: the guards of the human realm. She glanced back at her mirror and saw Stan being followed by three cop-cars. One cop even called to her on the radio, but she ignored it and headed for the interstate out of Las Vegas. Time to make history.

Just as she merged, Stan did the same, but the cops were forced to wait for an opening. Stan somehow managed to speed up next to Eda. "What the hell, Marilyn?!" He yelled.

"Sorry, handsome, gotta keep you on your toes." Eda said coolly, leaning on her elbow on the window. "Gotta keep life unpredictable, y'know?" She added with a wink and sped up, leaving Stan behind.

He sped up a bit, slowly catching up, and Eda could see that the cops were on the interstate. Time for the grand escape.

The Stanmobile was brought off the busy road and down into the sandy desert. Down into the mouth of a canyon Eda sped, with the bike still closely behind her. Eda grinned, swerved behind a sharp rock, and jumped out with her bag on her shoulder. She dug through the pocket of her skirt for her key and pressed the eye. Just as Stan swerved around the sharp rock, she blew him a kiss with a foxy wink and disappeared.

Stan stared, red-faced and still in his bathrobe, as the doorway disappeared. The cops finally caught up as Stan tried to wrap his head around whatever happened, and the one in charge asked him, "Where did she go?!"

The conman quickly collected his thoughts. "Dunno, car was like this when I caught up. She's probably somewhere in this canyon."

While the police searched the canyon for a runaway newlywed, Stan smiled, impressed with her work, and checked his still-running car. It looked like she had hot-wired his baby and hadn't taken any of his junk, but what was really weird was there was a feather in the driver's seat. Huh.

* * *

Episode Placement:  
GF = after finale (S3?)  
OH = between S1E9 and E10

* * *

After finally being accepted into Hexside, not only did Luz become more invested in learning about the historical wizarding school, she became even more invested in learning about her mentor. Those permanent records giving tid-bits of Eda's childhood really made Luz more curious about her, and she figured a good place to keep on searching was the old boxes in a storage closet.

Luz had come across it when she had put away the not-witchy broom after completing a chore. Her eyes landed on a box on a top shelf and she grinned, wondering if old photos were in it. She grabbed it and sat in on the floor, on her knees as she rubbed her hands together and took off the lid to reveal a mix-match of assorted items. There were some pictures and photographs, but it was mostly filled with old clothes. Luz picked up an old "Over 30 and Very Flirty" t-shirt and giggled at it.

Something fell out from the folds of the shirt and Luz picked it up. She squinted at the old picture and gasped loudly when she realized what she was looking at. "Is that…?"


End file.
